It’s fair to say that, while on the course, golfers speak a language that would be unfamiliar to pretty much everybody else on the planet; a language that can only be learned through years of toiling away on the fairways, trying to get a ridiculously small ball into an even smaller hole!
Some golfers talk the talk even when they aren’t walking the proverbial walk and most of the time; the golfing jargon that comes out of their mouths certainly isn’t 100% honest.
To clear things up a bit, we thought we’d knock up a little glossary of things golfers say and what they REALLY mean!
When your matchplay opponent holes a 10 footer for a half: “Well in.”
Translation = “Lucky git.”
After your playing partner takes three shots to escape from a bunker: “There’s no sand / too much sand in this bunker.”
Translation = “I have no idea how to hit bunker shots.”
When shaking hands on the first tee: Golfer 1 – “Play well mate.” Golfer 2 – “Yes, have a good game.”
Translation = Golfer 1 – “I hope you hack it around and run out of golf balls.” Golfer 2 – “And I you.”
When you partner misses a tap in for a half down the 18th: “Hard luck.”
Translation = “YESSSSSSSSSS!”
When you’re in the clubhouse explaining your most recent + 0.1: “I played well, I just didn’t score.”
Translation = “My par down the last was the first one of the day; I only hit two fairways, missed most of the greens and couldn’t hole a putt to save my life.”
When the “big hitter” who’s obsessed with how far he hits it gets outdriven for the 1st time in the round: “That came so far out of the heel I almost missed the ball!”
Translation: “How the hell did he just knock it past me?!”
When explaining your matchplay loss to the team captain: “He just couldn’t miss a putt.”
Translation = “He outplayed me all day, fully deserved the win and I can’t putt for toffee.”
After hitting an approach shot into the trees at the back of the green: “I got a massive flyer.”
Translation = “I picked the wrong club.”
When explaining yet another snap hook into the cabbage: “I just can’t hit this driver. The shaft is too whippy.”
Translation = “I just can’t hit a driver.”
After a 10 foot putt misses the whole by a mile: “How the hell does that putt break uphill?”
Translation = “I can’t read greens to save my life.”
While trying to help your matchplay opponent find their golf ball in the tall rough: “You’d have to stand on it to find it in this stuff.”
Translation = “I really don’t want you to find this golf ball…can’t I just have the hole?”
50 yards up the 1st fairway after teeing off with someone you only just met: “So what do you do for work then?”
Translation = “I couldn’t care less what you do for work but four hours is a long time not to talk to someone.”
After hitting the ball 50 yards short of the driveable par-4 in summer: “That gust of wind came out of nowhere!”
Translation = “Absolutely buttoned it, couldn’t hit it any better and after waiting for the green to clear for 10 minutes I need an excuse…quick!”
After hitting the ball 50 yards short of the driveable par-4 in winter: “I’d have got there with a bit of run in the summer; the fairways are so soggy!”
Translation = “Absolutely buttoned it, couldn’t hit it any better and after waiting for the green to clear for 10 minutes I need an excuse…quick!”
After pitching it 40 feet short of the hole with 1 foot of backspin: “I was really hurt by the spin on that one.”
Translation = “I GOT BACKSPIN! I have no idea how I did it but I GOT BACKSPIN!”
After slicing another one into the trees: “This is a drawer’s golf course.”
Translation = “I started that right and with my usual 40 yards of slice and there isn’t a golf course on earth I’d score well on today.”
On getting a plugged lie in a bunker: “I can’t believe it’s plugged…these new bunkers are such a joke!”
Translation = “Having hit my ball straight into a bunker from a great height, I was hoping to defy physics and get lucky with a perfect lie.”
On leaving an Eagle Putt just short: “Hit it for God’s sake!”
Translation = “I GOT A BIRDIE! I GOT A BIRDIE! This is going on my CV.”